This is My Life As A Dad. The ongoing adventures in raising children.

Do not attempt these techniques yourself without consulting a professional. 

During her pregnancy, mom-to-be has become somewhat of a light sleeper, and things like the neighbor’s barking dog has been testing her nerves. Lastnight, I was awaken by mom-to-be’s frustrated sighs. “I hate that stupid dog!” she complained. But I was so groggy it sounded like the dog was two blocks away, and just told her to ignore it. “Sigh…I can’t!”, she retorted. While I was slowly waking up still, she asked, “Can you yell at that dog to shut up or something?”

More awake now, I mulled over the options in my head…

It should be known that I hate being THAT neighbor who yells out the window to quiet noisy kids, silence a loud stereo, or worse, a barking dog, especially at 2 in the morning.

Attempting to sit up in bed, I was coming to a realization that this was my chance to practice an amazing technique I learned from my all time favorite show, The Dog Whisperer, hosted by my idol (just kidding…sort of), dog behavioralist, Cesar Millan. And on a dog other than my own even. My interpretation of Cesar Millan’s techniques has about a 20% success rate on our little chihuahua. Don’t laugh, that’s something to be proud of, knowing that Spike might only bite guests entering our home, 80% of the time. So, one of the things Cesar Millan does to demonstrate his pack leadership and put problematic dogs into a calm, submissive state of mind, is to “SHHHHHHH” them. And when you “SHHHHHHH” them, you do it assertively and in a confident state of mind. Also, you must deliver the “SHHHHHHH” from your chest, not your throat.

So off to the window I went, cracked it open, and cleared my throat. The dog was axiously barking. By now, I could tell the dog was located in the back neighbor’s yard, one house down. I gained my assertive composure and belted out a confident “SHHHHHHHHHHH” ……. silence. Hmm, not bad. I proudly walked back to bed and fluffed up my pillow. Just as my head hit the bed, the dog started barking again. Jeeze, is this dog serious? Back to the window, I waited for a break in between barks, then belted another sweet “SHHHHHHHHH” ……. silence again, followed by a submissive doggy groan. He was surrendering. Impressed, I came back to bed and tucked myself in.

“Thank you for dog whispering the neighbor’s dog for me” mom-to-be said in relief. “You’re welcome.” 5 minutes later, mom-to-be was in a deep sleep, breathing beautiful long, steady breaths. And I, was wide awake. Sigh.