This is My Life As A Dad. The ongoing adventures in raising children.

At our recent baby shower, dear friends, Steve and Sophia, were clever enough to ask our guests to share their own parental advice with us, the expecting parents. During the shower I had no idea this was happening, but that night I found a bounded book with the word baby on it. Inside contained the sincere, collected words of our guests. While reading, it made me laugh. Here’s a few of my favorites, with added commentary.

Mom – Trust your daughter. Remember you were young once too.
This is also the reason not to trust our daughter.

Dad – No cell phones until they’re 15 years old.
Will cell phones even be around in 15 years? Maybe flying cell phones.

Mom – Eat lots of yummy food and laugh as much as possible.
This shouldn’t be too hard.

Dad – Make lots of cookies and don’t worry about who your daughter will date.
Making cookies is easy but I started worrying about who my daughter would date when I was 10 years old. However, eating cookies might help me deal with the worry.

Mom – Let daddy take the kids and you go on a play date once in a while.
I agree, this is good ad…wait, a play date with who?

Dad – Don’t stay in the bathroom playing Angry Birds for too long.
Ah yes. The bathroom has become my man cave and the only source of alone time. But you are right, prolonged Angry Bird sessions in my man cave will result in hemorrhoids.

Mom – Alone time! Get a facial, massage, go shopping, take a nap. Call me!
Yes, I agree.

Dad – Remember always that no matter how awesome you are at taking care of the kids/laundry/meals/cleaning/etc., one complaint about how much work it is will turn you from a prince to a jerk. Also, this rule does NOT apply to women, especially pregnant or nursing ones. Don’t ever forget both parts to this.
Amen.  As an awesome dad, I can attest to this. These holy words from the book of dad would look amazing written over a photo of footprints in the sand.

Mom – Pick your battles. It’s just easier that way.
Better husbands around the world have adopted this philosophy into their marriage for many, many years.

Dad – Learn to braid hair.
I see many hats in my daughter’s future. Berets, beanies, trucker hats.

Mom – Please be patient with Vince’s magazines piling up in the bathroom.
Really you can throw those out now. Seriously. Except for that one. Oh, and that one.

Dad – Don’t forget to give her a nice kiss at the end of the day, even if it’s a hectic day at work.
I believe, this right here, is a serious marriage saver.

Mom – You can’t spoil your little girl enough.
Uh oh.

Dad – Get your shotgun.
Uh oh.

Mom – Don’t forget about YOU.
Check.

Dad – Don’t forget the camera.
Check.

Mom -

Kill your television.

Dad – Create a sitcom named “Shit that Vincent says…”
You’ll be the first person I thank, during my Emmy acceptance speech.

Mom – Raise her the way your parents raised you. You turned out awesome!
This is true, she’s Mrs. Awesome.

Dad – Get your shotgun ready, she’ll be a cutie!
You hear that future boyfriend? Shot. Gun.

Mom – NO MORE KIDS.
Stating the obvious here.

Dad – Hurry up with the food!
Good things come to those who wait. Good things.

Mom – Stop being organic.
This was from my mother-in-law. Did I ever tell you how much she loves to change Desmond’s cloth diapers?

Dad – See mommy’s advice above.
And I’m getting more cloth diapers for baby girl. In pink.